Can You Have a Wedding Without Getting Married?

Here’s a hot take: You don’t need to get married in order to have a wedding.

Let me explain.

As an independent celebrant, my job is to write and then deliver wedding ceremonies for couples who want to celebrate their love authentically and uniquely. This often happens alongside the process of getting legally married.

But it doesn’t have to.

Wedding vs Marriage

Before I talk about whether you can have a wedding without getting married, I first need to define what I mean when I’m saying ‘wedding’ and ‘marriage’.

I’m using ‘marriage’ to refer to the formal contract and legally binding union that exists between two people. A marriage ceremony has to be performed by a registrar or a licensed member of the clergy.

When I’m talking about a ‘wedding’, I’m referring to the ceremony that celebrates the commitment that two people have made to one another. It’s usually a public celebration that signifies an important step in a relationship, and might involve a ceremonial element and then a more informal party.

Based on those definitions, ‘a wedding’ and ‘marriage’ are two quite different things. And that leads me back to my first question: Can you have a wedding without getting married?

The short answer is yes.

Here’s the long one.

Do You Need to Get Married?

In modern culture, getting legally married is a significant milestone in a relationship. People decide to do it for a wide range of reasons, making as big or as little deal out of it as they like. It’s a decision that legally binds you to your partner, which grants various benefits, but also requires more legal legwork if you decide that you don’t want to be married anymore.

So what about the couple who don’t want to get legally married? You might not be a fan of the historical and patriarchal connotations of marriage. You might have difficult feelings about how marriage and religion are intertwined. You might be an inter-abled couple who risk losing out on benefits if you become legally married. You might be polyamorous, and therefore unable to marry multiple partners. Or you just might not be that fussed about officially declaring your commitment to your partner, and getting a certificate to prove it.

Whatever your reason, I want you to know that you do not need to get legally married to experience a ceremony that celebrates your relationship. If what matters to you is declaring your love in front of friends and family, making vows to the person or people that you love, and taking part in a ritual to signify your commitment, then you can do all of that without any of the ‘marriage’ stuff.

You can call it a wedding. You can call it a commitment ceremony. You can call it something else creative that’s unique to you.

What matters is whether it feels right for you and your partner(s).

The Bottom Line

Modern love is varied and expansive, and our cultural understanding of what commitment looks like doesn’t always align with this. If you want to get legally married, and celebrate this with a wedding, then you absolutely should. But if you don’t want to get married, you can still celebrate your relationship and work with a celebrant to design a ceremony that honours your bond.

And if you’re looking for a celebrant who can do that… You’ve found one.