What Happens at a Vow Renewal?

Making vows to your partner is a common part of many marriage ceremonies. But why should you only get this opportunity once?

After all, relationships continue to grow and change after you are married. The promises you made and the plans you had for your marriage might end up being totally irrelevant in twenty years time!

Equally, you and your spouse might want to celebrate your relationship and your commitment more than just once in your lifetimes. As someone who loves love and loves and excuse to throw a party, I couldn’t agree more with the idea that you can and should continue to honour the time you spend with your partner.

Vow renewals are a ceremony that people have mixed feelings about, whether that’s from incorrect ideas about why they take place, or just a total misunderstanding of what they involve!

I’m here to change that.

In this article, I explain what happens at a vow renewal, why people might choose to have one, when in a marriage they take place, and what else you need to know before you start planning one yourself.

What Is a Vow Renewal Ceremony?

A vow renewal ceremony gives a married couple the opportunity to reaffirm their commitment to each other. It can be done in a church as a religious ceremony but can also be performed as a more personal gesture and event that celebrates the relationship.

Vow renewals can be structured similarly to wedding ceremonies, and may include music, readings or poems performed by guests, and symbolic rituals. But the main focus of these ceremonies is where the couple makes vow to each other, either repeating their original marriage vows or making new ones.

Why Do People Renew Their Vows?

People choose to renew their vows for a wide range of reasons. Here are just a few of them.

• To celebrate an anniversary
• To strengthen their commitment
• To celebrate successfully navigating a difficult life event
• To mark a transition in their relationship, such as a retirement
• To experience a wedding ceremony that they can design themselves

Ultimately, there’s no right or wrong reason to want to renew your vows. If you and your partner would like to celebrate your marriage and relationship with a ceremony, then you can absolutely plan a vow renewal.

When Do You Renew Your Vows?

There’s no specific timeline for renewing your vows. Similarly to why people renew their vows, the ‘when’ of a vow renewal differs from couple to couple.

Significant anniversaries are a common choice for vow renewals, such as a five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty or fifty year wedding anniversary. But you don’t need to wait for a multiple of five or ten to renew your vows on the same date that you got married.

Some couples also like to wait until they have reached a particular milestone together to renew their vows. This might be when they have both retired, when their children have left home, or when they become grandparents.

If you’re wondering whether there’s a ‘right’ time to renew your vows, the answer is no. The only thing that matters is that it feels like the right time for you and your partner.

How to Renew Your Vows

Now we’re into the juicy part of this blog post; how do you actually go about renewing your vows? Below, I cover things like location, officiants, timings, dress code, and what you should say to your partner.

Where Can You Renew Your Wedding Vows?

Unlike a legal wedding ceremony, you’re not limited in a vow renewal by venues that have a marriage license. This means that you can technically renew your wedding vows wherever you like.

Many couples like to host a party as part of their vow renewal celebrations, and choose a place like a hotel, restaurant or other events venue. You might even decide to renew your vows in the same place that you got married, if it’s still somewhere that takes bookings! Or you could decide to do your vow renewal abroad, and make a holiday of the occasion.

Alternatively, renewing your vows at your family home can make the ceremony more meaningful. Garden vow renewals can be particularly lovely, but couples with larger houses can also host the renewal inside with their guests. If you’re working with a tighter budget, your home or the home of a family member might be the best place for a vow renewal.

How Much Does It Cost to Renew Wedding Vows?

The cost of renewing your wedding vows really depends on the kind of event you decide to host to celebrate the occasion.

Some couples renew their vows just the two of them, picking a place that has sentimental significance. In these cases, the cost of renewing your vows would be next to nothing, as you’re only organising for the two of you.

However, if you want to throw more of a party, the cost of renewing your wedding vows will be dictated by the size of the event and the suppliers you use. Things like venue hire, catering, music or entertainment, and a celebrant will all have to be factored into your budget.

I can’t speak for other vow renewal suppliers, but as a celebrant I charge £350 for vow renewal ceremonies.

Who Can Officiate a Vow Renewal Ceremony?

A vow renewal is not a legally binding ceremony, which means that anyone can officiate it.

Some couples choose to have a close friend, family member or even one of their children lead the ceremony for them. This can make it feel more personal, if you can find someone who is happy to write and perform the whole thing.

You can also choose a celebrant to officiate a vow renewal, trusting a professional with the task of writing and delivering your ceremony. I’m obviously biased, but I think that this is a brilliant option because you put the vow renewal in the trusted hands of a professional and will be supported throughout the ceremony planning process, ending up with a script that is totally bespoke.

If you’re looking for a celebrant to officiate a vow renewal, why not find out more about my celebrations of love?

What Do You Say at a Wedding Vow Renewal?

The vows themselves in a wedding vow renewal can be personalised by the couple. You don’t need to say anything specific, and instead can tailor your vows depending on what matters most to you and your partner.

Many couples simply repeat the vows that they made at their wedding ceremony. This can be done with the help of a celebrant, or with the couple just reading the same vows to each other.

A nice idea can also be to expand on your original vows to reflect how your relationship has changed.

Some couples choose to write totally new vows that also reflect the changes in their relationship and the new place that they are in their lives. This can be particularly poignant if you’re doing a vow renewal after navigating a tricky period of life or have finished going through a difficult transition.

However you’re structuring your vows, here are some ideas for what you can say:

• Why you love your partner
• How your relationship has changed
• How your relationship has grown and improved
• Favourite memories from your marriage
• What is different since your wedding day
• What has stayed the same since your wedding day
• Promises you made at your wedding that you want to keep
• New promises you want to make to your partner

If you’re looking for a bit for guidance for help with writing your vows, check out my ceremony support services for one-on-one writing assistance and guidance.

Vow Renewal Rituals

The exchange of vows is the core part of a vow renewal ceremony. But many couples also like to include a ritual that affirms and symbolises the new commitment they are making.

A classic option is to give each other a new ring, if you originally exchanged wedding rings. An alternative option is to have your original wedding rings blessed or warmed by your guests and then exchange them again after making your new vows.

Handfasting is another great vow renewal idea that represents a commitment. I like this option for married couples as they can choose to have the handfasting cords presented to them by their children and grandchildren, which includes the whole family in the ceremony.

Other rituals that work well for renewing your vows include:

• Sand ceremony
• Tree planting
• Winebox ceremony
• Loving cup ceremony
• Exchanging an alternative piece of jewellery

How Long Does a Vow Renewal Ceremony Last?

A vow renewal ceremony can last for as long as you would like it to. There are no set words that need to be said or things that you need to do to renew your vows, so the timing of the ceremony depends on you.

You might just want to make your vows to your partner and leave it at that, in which case the ceremony could be over in ten minutes.

Alternatively, if you plan your ceremony to include music, readings and rituals, it could last more like 30 – 45 minutes.

What Do You Wear to a Vow Renewal?

The clothes you wear to a vow renewal are entirely your choice. Depending on the formality of the event, outfits can range from smart to very casual.

Some couples like to mimic the kind of outfits that people wear for a wedding ceremony, and may even choose styles that mirror what they wore when they first got married. You might still want to wear something fancy, but care less about adhering to a specific colour scheme. For a more intimate vow renewal ceremony, you both might wear something that makes you feel comfortable.

As is the theme with a vow renewal, the choice is entirely up to you. You can wear what you want to renew your vows, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise!

How to Plan a Vow Renewal

If you’re planning a row renewal with your partner then your first step is sitting down together and deciding what you want your ceremony to look like. Think about the venue, who you’d like to be there, what the ceremony will involve, and if there will be any other celebrations before or after the vow renewing takes place.

As part of the planning process, you might decide that you want a celebrant to lead your ceremony. If you’re looking for someone who will deliver a bespoke, creative and authentically true-to-you vow renewal, then I’m the kind of celebrant you’re looking for.